Never Trust a Stranger

 

My wonderful friend Sara from Finland who agreed to go on a weekend trip with Elise and I to Sligo after having talked to me for only 5 minutes in total beforehand.

I grew up in a generation where strangers were danger, waiting to snatch you away from the sidewalks as you walked home with your friends, steal your things the moment your back was turned, or lull you into a false sense of security before hoodwinking you and slipping away never to be seen again.  Ok. Maybe I am being a bit overdramatic… but I’ve taken to reading murder mysteries since I finished my exams and I think it is taking its tole on me.  But with all this aside, it has gotten me thinking about the way we perceive other people and about the concept of trust as a whole.

Where does trust come from? And how do we decide who deserves it? It seems simple really… just look at the people who come to mind when you consider the individuals in the life that you trust the most.  For many of us, our families come to mind first, followed closely by our best friends, long-time neighbors, and maybe even our teachers and mentors.  It seems as if the underlying theme involves a sense of closeness, mutual relationship, but most importantly, a knowledge that they care about you as an individual and want the best for you as they would for themselves.

A group of local meditating Dubliners who we interrupted during our hike. We ended up joining their group for the rest of the day and they offered us all kinds of suggestions from local pubs to the best places to find good music and craic.

Especially as a young woman growing up in a culture where I’m not supposed to be able to walk down the street alone without fear, this kind of deep seeded trust is difficult to find.  We’ve become overly critical of everyone and overtly sensitive to the slightest nod in our direction. And rightfully so.  How do we reconcile our concerns, our vulnerability, and our insecurities with the seemingly endless possibilities of deceit and hidden intentions?

Well, I’ve got a list of suggestions, so you’re welcome. You could start small, like asking a stranger for directions to the nearest bus stop or train station.  If you are feeling a little more daring, this stranger could be from a different country and might possibly have no clue what you are asking him/her.  Still not working for you? I would suggest asking to use a strangers phone to call a taxi, and then accepting his offer for a free ride to your destination since he is passing by it on his way home.  Or you could share a bedroom with 15 other people and leave your luggage at their mercy as you leave to go explore.  How about getting in a taxi in Russia and listening as two other strangers tell the taxi man where to take you in a language you can’t even read, much less understand, having absolutely no idea whether or not you’ll end up at the airport or in timbucktoo? Or planning a weekend trip to some far off place with someone that you met yesterday? Or going out to a club with a group of people you met 10 minutes ago?  If this still hasn’t given you enough practice in the ways of trust, you could try a personal favorite of mine and leave a complete stranger alone in your public transit bus with the keys still in the ignition to go get a cup of coffee.  Are you all taking notes yet? You should be. This is all Brianna tested and parent unapproved.

My wonderful host family in Macedonia who I had never met before arriving at the Macedonian airport, but who showed us the upmost hospitality and care, making us feel like part of their own family.

Studying abroad has given me an amazing opportunity to learn about trust, fear, and the power of strangers.  From the moment I stepped off the plane my first day in Dublin to the moment I step on the plane to head back home, I will have been constantly at the mercy of strangers, whether they be taxi drivers, hostel owners, fellow travelers, or random locals I’ve met on the streets or in the pubs.  I have felt safer here, especially in Ireland amongst the local people, than I sometimes have in my own home state.  It took me awhile to figure out what the root cause for this feeling was, but I think I finally have figured it out.  In all of my travels and within all of my interactions, people simply want to look after each other.  They call after you when you have left your phone on the table because they would want someone else to do the same for them.  They respect your belongings in the hostels because they’d be upset if someone went through theirs.  They walk you home at the end of a night out because they know they have been at the mercy of someone else at some point in their own lives.  They leave you in the bus with the keys because they trust that you are a genuine enough human being to respect that trust.  And let me tell you, being trusted in that way makes you not want to let them down, makes you feel as though you have your own sense of dignity, and allows you the opportunity to let down your guard to see the innate humanness in one another.

My roommates Nicole, Rebecca, and Claire

These past four months, I have been blessed with the opportunity to see trust in its most pure form.  One of my roommates is completely blind after losing her eyesight to a brain tumor at the age of 18. By the way she acts, you would never know.  She cooks for herself, excels in her classes, plans to be a secondary school teacher, goes out for good craic to the pubs, and travels the world.  I have had the amazing opportunity to accompany her on some of these adventures and when she takes my arm for me to guide her, she has put her trust in me, a girl she has only known for a handful of months, that I won’t lead her astray.  If thats not a testament to the power of trust, I don’t know what is.

So I will leave you with this.  Remember that at one point, even those you care for the most were strangers.  The moral of this story? Never trust a stranger, because there are no such thing as strangers if you simply trust them as friends.

*Author advisory: the views expressed in this post do not condone the thoughtless and haphazard trust of random people or the unnecessary placement of yourself in dangerous situations.  Common sense and a general awareness of boundaries is highly recommended.